#8

I have never thought of wanting to flirt with death anytime. But now I’m very much tempted. I really am. Because I am tired of caring for hollow hearts. Trying to fill their hopes and dreams. I hate it how because of one person, my entire life is ruined. And now I am not holding back my tears because I have been doing things all my life, I have grown tired of it. 

It’s like I’m cursed. Every time few days before my birthday, hell breaks lose. And now I just want to jump from this balcony and join my next great adventure. Personally, I think death is a beautiful adventure, we are scared because we are going alone and without anything. 

And I really want to go.

Desperately.

I have never had such horrible thoughts of wanting to commit suicide. But now I am greatly tempted  and is thinking of the many different ways to end a mortal life. I hate myself for even writing this down. What if someone reads this?

I’m sorry I can’t do this. Even thought we planned for a long time. I can’t live another day, living and breathing this guilt. And I can’t hold these tears anymore. I just want to let go.

To let go of everything and everyone.

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