I really don’t know if I should be doing this… letting out my secrets, frustrations and complains to you. Can I hope that you understand the complexity of a teenage girl’s problems? Meh.
I don’t want to rant away like a 5 year old girl about my life issues because I clearly know that you’ve got your own share of them. It will be unfair for me too right? And I doubt that anyone really cares about who bullied me today but letting it out is better than holding it in.
I’m really average in this world. But I’m hoping desperately for something to happen. Be it anything! I just hate having to live this plain life. I see the same lonely street, same people hurrying off to work, same buildings piercing the skyline. And when I walk thought these sights, only average thoughts cross my mind.
What will I do today at school?
Will i even succeed on that pop quiz in Chemistry?
Whatever. I continue walking, scowling at kids I don’t like in my neighborhood. I carelessly cross the road, with my head drowned in my own musical world, I barely bother to look left, right and left again. Why? Because I’ve been doing this since I moved here. If a car had to pass, they would have to go through me which they wont dare to do since rules and regulations in this country is extremely strict and they take severe measures.
I enter the same class, full of kids on energy drinks. I have no idea what keeps them up in the morning. Some days I smile and join in for the usual chatter but other days I scowl and root myself in my seat with a book in my hand.
Lessons occupy me for the rest of the day. I suck at some subjects that bums me so badly I don’t know what to do. I feel entirely hopeless despite taking extra support. Am I lacking anywhere? Am I not capable of finishing tasks like others? Why am I weak?
I hate it. I hate it when I cant do something right. It just makes me so damn useless.
I often daydream. Of the unimaginable, the unthinkable. All to escape the boring reality of my life. I guess every girl dreams of the things she desires the most. Sometimes they are utterly stupid as another 100 followers on Tumbler. Sometimes they are special, unique and sad. Those living in a more difficult position than me, must be probably dreaming of the luxuries I have now while I dream of the luxuries I don’t have.
Oh have I bored you? I’m sorry but this is how things roll.
Thanks for listening to my first ramble. I know there is some stuff here you can relate to.